The Praise Sandwich

"In your whole life, no one has ever abused you more than you have abused yourself."
-Don Ruiz in The Four Agreements

People so often are their own worst enemies.

Why is it that we can practice false compassion to the faces of our friends, but we can never even attempt to mask the honest inner judge that so frequently floods us with insecurities? You would never talk "smack" about someone to their face, but you most likely self-depricate more than you ponder confidence.

An insecurity is nothing but a lie that we choose to believe about ourselves. We let our minds be fertile to an idea that an outside force presents to us at some point, and then the hostile seed grows. Insecurities destroy humankind. At the core of every single issue in the world lies insecurity. Seriously reflect... greed, agression, jealousy, depression, over-compensation... all result because we tell ourselves that we are not "good enough."

In the writing center at Penn State, we are taught to praise. For every error that we correct in someone's paper, we are taught to make two positive remarks. I'll call this the praise sandwich. Praise works faster than criticism in almost every case when it comes to writing. When students are encouraged by their writing skills, enthusiasm emerges and a writer is born. No false praises are acceptable. It is always possible to find something that is genuinely successful in a piece of writing, just as it is always possible to find something that is genuinely good about our characters as people. I'd like to practice doing the praise sandwich whenever I feel one of those negative-nacy thoughts start to fight its way in to the happy jumble of neurons floating around in my head from now on. We wouldn't take the abuse from others, so why should we take it from ourselves? There are special qualities in everyone, because we are all incredibly unique. We can choose to believe the good stuff and detach from ugly insecurities.

I agree to make myself some tasty praise sandwiches whenever the inner judge looms near.